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February Dining.

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February Dining.

WHAT I DID Monday, February 3 I think I will spend some nights alone in the apartment, actually, this week. I think I will give myself some peace, then. Yes, this is good, this is what you should do.

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WHAT I DID Monday, February 3 I think I will spend some nights alone in the apartment, actually, this week. I think I will give myself some peace, then. Yes, this is good, this is what you should do. And I will call David who will be in Paris, and I will see my friends and I will go to school, I will walk across the Williamsburg Bridge by myself in the mornings, I will run sometimes, and write sometimes, and I will be all alone but I will have my friends to see, David to call, and on the weekend there will be my family, and it will all reset me in a way that is pure and nice and I am craving. Ok, tomorrow, then. So, today, then, you begin the morning with the collecting of the self. You have been doing everything one should do, yes - water, lemon, ginger, avocado, salmon, the apartment is messy but not too bad, you are mostly on time, liquor sometimes in excess but you are not a child anymore, not mostly, mostly it’s ok. You stay up late, but this is not too bad. You have never spent the night in a house alone before, never, not even once, in a hotel a few times but never in a place that you must enter, unlock, remember to lock again behind you. I’m terrified of many things, really. You might not know this meeting me but then, I give away a lot. I said I had no object permanence. I said this for a while, but I stopped meaning it around April. I stopped saying it around then, too. I have so much object permanence these days. You know this, because you notice how one detail is not as you remember it, and suddenly all you want is for everything, everything, everything to be restored. There was a wonderful dinner last night. The best in a while, really. We returned to The Knickerbocker , and you wonder, then, why you ever go anywhere else - the quiet dark wood dining room, not quite cavernous but certainly not small, the liquor on the grand piano, that huge t-bone steak, enough to serve a family, creamed spinach, french fries with the sauce from the meat au poivre, jazz on Sundays, tea, coffee, no martinis tonight but those are excellent too. Why did we ever go out for small plates? It is so much more special here. Raining, outside. The rain turns to snow. Yellow cab home. It feels nice, yes, to leave things on terms like these. Tuesday, February 4 Silver light in the morning. Ruby say’s - “it’s spring outside,” and I haven’t been waiting for things to melt, but I am not too sad now that this defrosting has started. I am really not too sad today. You wake up, you see silver light, you see curtains, the apartment felt eerie and so you walked over here, there are friends to call, you did not sleep too well but the paralysis has stopped and even this, the drama of it all, the sleep paralysis has stopped, and so this dread of isolation becomes absurd. Bright morning. You walk to get coffee. This spot is called Dreamer, Ruby says. You walk the Williamsburg Bridge. It’s warmer this time, busier this time. David calls - there is mayhem in Paris, but he will be ok. Green tea. Lemon loaf. Protein bar. You have stopped being cruel, now you must stop eating sugar. I am very tired today. I don’t mean it to sound all like I’m disassociated. I was, for a moment. I came back down to Earth. I called my dad after Doomers last week. “This is what I’m afraid of,” I said. Then, I told him what I was afraid of. “There’s a great show called The Twilight Zone,” my dad said. “I know,” I said. “In The Twilight Zone, there is an episode with a preserved floating brain,” my dad said. “And you watch this disembodied consciousness preserved and stuck forever, and you think, well this is the worst thing imaginable.” “Yes,”I said. “This is what I am afraid of.” It is less the AI of it all being preserved forever in the absence of animal beings that is so scary, I think. More so, it’s this merging with humanity, this always merging merging merging with humanity, and then you are stuck, and then the possibilities become limitless. Wednesday, February 5 Deep familiarity is many different things at many different moments, I am told today. I kind of disagree. I think there is a core of things. Actually, I really disagree. I really think that there is a core of things. New album by Desire today. New dress on my doorstep. I wake up in an apartment that is briefly all mine. Where were you a year ago today, my friends were asking at dinner yesterday. It’s a reasonably interesting thing to consider. I like it best when a year ago feels very distant. Me - I was at KGB Bar. A stranger took the photo. I look very morose. In my memory I was very nervous, and also, I was very pleased. On a walk, trying to write, trying to pour out the sludge, seeking clarity - “I do not feel like writing a whole fucking retrospective every time I try to journal,” I write. I am sorry all my details seem crude today. Rules for solitude are - pace in circles, pace on the treadmill, do not be combative in conversation with strangers, do not eavesdrop, sometimes you will not like what you hear. They are talking about murder suicide at pilates, the girl at pilates owned an animal shelter and her star employee murder suicided himself and his girlfriend. You know that cute blonde blogger, she is saying. She was the girlfriend. The guy seemed nice. You never know. Rules for solitude are do not listen to these things, stop listening to these things, you’re going to freak out if you keep on listening to these things. Later, I’m only here to pick up a phone charger, but there’s a whole wall of people reading poems about bitter cynicism in this conference room. I apologize for my bitter cynicism, the woman reading is saying, and I hate being in these buildings after dark, I hate the corporate flair to these things. Powerade Zero on the desks. I would like to go lurk in a Chinatown basement. I would like to write an Alt Lit Novel. I would like to be very, very rude. “Would you like to read a list of people who have been censored,” a woman at this strange event asks me. “Have you seen a phone charger?” I ask the women. “Now is not the time to be nihilistic,” Madelyn’s friend told her yesterday, and I’m not nihilistic, and I’m sorry, and I’m really sorry, and I really really really need to leave now. Thursday, February 6 Ice and snow over my glass house this morning. I heard the sharp rain in the night. I am not surprised it froze over. I am enjoying waking up with - nowhere to go, no one to see. I wouldn’t enjoy it for long, but it’s not too bad for now. Walking through this empty apartment and the only sound is me, and then ice falling off the roof overhead. It’s not a big deal, really, and I’m acting a little delusional and insane about the weight of it all, but it’s just that I have never done this before - woken up in a building with no one to greet me. And I have tucked my phone far away so that the solitude can feel more complete. And I have cleaned the apartment, top to bottom. I’ve wrapped an old scarf all around my face and then I’ve gone for a walk - no matter that the streets are frozen. I do like the ice. I’m sorry. I do. I hope it lasts. The night is swirling and nice. I forgot to take note. Friday, February 7 My parents are here, and I am glowing with the happiness of it. Start the day slowly. I’ve become a bit reckless. I’ll do the dishes. I’ll take out the trash. Intrinsically sloppy, and I wish I wasn’t. When left to my own devices, a descent into chaos is not entirely inevitable. WHAT YOU SHOULD DO Monday, February 10 - From 7pm - 9pm at Virginia’s — Date Time thinks it’s not too late to find a valentine. The three girls behind a new Feed Me featured speed dating endeavor present their second event, featuring two 45 min rounds of mingling. - “Everyone meets everyone, so get ready to meet a lover, a friend, or perhaps an enemy.” $5 ticket required for entry (proceeds to Direct Relief in LA), and 1 drink minimum to date. - From 7pm at Alamo Drafthouse Cinema— Non Films presents Dark Room: Screening and Salon, co-curated by Will_imDb - From 7pm at Mcnally Jackson Seaport — The Pleasure Lists hosts an evening of readings. I love this publication, wherein guests contribute lists of their simple pleasures, and I love many of the readers presenting their pleasures this evening - Emmeline Cline, Camille Sojit Pejcha, Whitney Mallett, and more. - From 7pm - 11pm at 131 Chrystie St — Salteye Studio celebrates the launch of their debut collection, co-hosted by Dirty Mag . Cocktails by drinkmothersmilk and catedralmezcal . Bites by Supper Studio. Tuesday, February 11 - From 4pm - 7pm at Café Forgot — PS by Pretty Sick hosts a pop up. Drinks by Lantern. - From 7:30pm at Rodeo — The Good Time Girls present Sooyoung Moon, Juliette Jeffers, Stephanie Wambagu, and Liam Sherwin-Murray. - From 7:30pm at Baker Falls (new location at 192 Allen St) — Torture and the Desert Spiders continue their solo residency / performances . Lineup forthcoming. This is a new, cozy, special spot. - From 9pm in the Lower East Side (dm @ Jackiearielle for location) — Painters Pool returns. A weekly party for painters and friends, Tuesday in New York and Thursday in LA. Gather your painter friends - that’s your ticket in. Wednesday, February 12 - From 7pm at Bar Freda — Pablo O’Connell, Fleur Geurl, Joe Jordan, and Christian Gail will be performing. This should be a lovely night. - From 10pm at Gonzo’s — Valley Latini’s Open Decks is back for Baddie Night . Tarot readings, DJ sets, hosted by Leg5 and more, etc etc etc. Bring your USB. Thursday, February 13 - From 6pm - 8pm — Sam Falb’s Home Gallery and Susan Inglett Gallery present “ Meeting of the Lovers.” There is a fabulous lineup of readers for this one, including Whitney Mallett, Matt Starr, Chris Murphy, Sahir Ahmed, Camille Sojit Pejcha, Brianna Lance, and Devan Diaz. - From 6pm - 8pm — Parent Company presents Jacob Jackmuah: Admissions ; “examining the social and material symptoms of consumer-based manufacturing.” Parent Company is one of the coolest galleries around right now - an artist-run space with consistently excellent programming. I’m excited to see this show. - From 6pm - 8pm at Fredericks & Freiser — Persona opens; a group exhibition featuring a slew of incredible artists, including Cristine Brache, Sean Landers, Marika Thunder, and others. - From 6pm - 8pm at Mast Books — Middle East Archive celebrates the launch of “Living Rooms” - celebrates the central role of family life and hospitality across the Middle East and North Africa.” After party to follow at Public Records. - From 7pm at Heart House — Maya Man presents I’m a Lover at HEART . The evening will feature FITYMI book launch (ft poems written with generative output by Terry Nguyen), readings, treats, and the presentation of Girl Crush: a screening of video and software-based work by fourteen artists engaging with themes of femininity, desire, and how admiration is mediated by our screens. Friday, February 14 A few exciting openings today… - From 6pm - 8pm at IRL Gallery — Aurora opens, bringing together the works of Kolja Kärtner Sainz, Manuel Tainha, and Suyi Xu, “three artists whose practices engage with the spatial, material, and conceptual dimensions of abstraction.” - From 6pm - 8pm at Silke Linder — Fleurs du Mal opens; a group exhibition based on the eponymous poetry collection by Charles Daudelaire. “Dealing with themes of moral ambiguity, beauty, decay, and the duality of existence.” - From 6pm - 8pm at Martos Gallery — Olivier Mosset, Drive-In opens; an exhibition featuring a specific triangulation of one car, one painting, and one video. Andrew Shental just wrote On Mechanophilia (artists love of cars) for Spike, and now the topic is on display in action in the Lower East Side. And some fabulous parties to follow… - From 7pm - 11:59pm — Bedroom 6 + Club Chess celebrate Valentine’s Day at a secret location in Williamsburg. A human chess game, absinthe, wine, cocktails; “embracing the tradition of our foolish love story.” - From 8pm — TENSE presents Rapture; a Valentine’s Day Soiree at KGB/Private Curtain. The lineup for this is spectacular, with readings and performances by Rachel Rabbit White, Nico Walker, Beckett Rosset, Maya Martinez, Dorothea Laskey, Valley Latini, Kyla Ernst Alper, and more. Come dance, drink, express your love, or fall in love. Tickets: $20 - From 8pm - 3am at 247 Varet Street — JM Kettle hosts Stop 1 ; a new pre-party series made to be enjoyed between dinner and dancing. I’m not really a rave girl, but I like this idea, and I hope to swing by. Saturday, February 15 - From 6pm at Metrograph — The Whitney Review presents a screening of COFFY (1973) , inspired by the essay on Blaxploitation and the selling of radicalism by Brandon Harris in issue 004. Brandon will be joined by Maya Kotomori, Kiernan “Knives” Frances, and ThugPop for a post screening discussion. After party at Gotham. Sunday, February 16 - From 2:30 - 4:30 at Brooklyn Center for Theatre Research — Soonest Mended workshops / previews have begun! - “It’s a story of two people trying to escape the conventions of marriage, only to find themselves more deeply ensnared than ever.” - Confessions will be at KGB (duh) - details forthcoming.

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